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Onion Says: ‘No Nobel for You, John Ashbery!’

By Harriet Staff

john_ashbery

Ha, ha, ha, ha!! We’re catching our breath here, ha ha! The Onion must have been wire-tapping Fort Harriet when they came up with this ditty. Yesterday they reported “Fucking Pathetic John Ashbery Actually Thinks He Has Shot At Nobel Prize In Literature This Year,” writing, “Unbelievably pitiful American poet John Ashbery is seriously harboring the belief that he has any chance in hell at winning this year’s Nobel Prize in Literature, sources close to the clearly delusional author confirmed Wednesday.” They go on to quote one of the leading scholars in English literature, Charles Xu who said:

…Ashbery must be living in a total cuckoo fantasyland if he thinks there is even a remote possibility of him beating out U.R. Ananthamurthy or Alice Munro or even Juan fucking Goytisolo, for Christ’s sake. “Does he understand these things aren’t given out to just anybody? You can’t simply shit out a few reams of verse like Self-Portrait In A Convex Mirror and expect to hang with the big boys like Yasunari Kawabata and Octavio Paz. You just can’t.”

Read the rest at America’s Finest News Source here.

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Posted in Poetry News on Thursday, October 10th, 2013 by Harriet Staff.