The Price is Right: A Torture Wheel of Fortune

By Edward Dorn 1929–1999 Edward Dorn

A B H O R E N C E S
November 13, 1984

The show did not start off

auspiciously, the contestants

were nervous and kept fiddling

with the wires attached

to their privates, the men

being especially anxious

over the question of balls.

The women were more querulous.

The first question, a medical subject,

was why had the anti-abortionists

not mentioned, let alone commented on,

the Baboon Heart transplant?

One terrified contestant guessed

it was because the moral majority’s

nervous concern with evolution

precluded their bringing it up.

That hopeful contestant’s face

reflected the malicious light

in the eyes of the host who

immediately threw the switch

A powerful surge shot through

the wires and both sexes screamed

and writhed, to the delight of

the vast viewership, estimated

at 100 million, all of whom,

presumably, were delighted

not to be on the show,

because not one in a million

knew the answer.

Edward Dorn, "The Price is Right: A Torture Wheel of Fortune" from Abhorrences, published by Black Sparrow Books. Copyright © 1990 by Edward Dorn. Reprinted by permission of the Edward Dorn Estate.

Source: Abhorrences (Bloodaxe Books, 1990)

Biography

Edward Dorn spent several years at Black Mountain College, a North Carolina school founded in 1933 as a liberal alternative for teachers and students seeking a creative educational environment. Breaking away from tradition, those affiliated with the school created art and literature that had a profound effect on American culture even after the college closed in 1956. Over the years numerous noteworthy artists and writers, . . .

Continue reading this biography