A vigilant gun that always picks out
The right target—even if it’s you—
No matter who you’re aiming at.
A computer that listens and blows you,
As you blow it, to your favorite tune.
Meat that cleans your teeth
As you’re masticating it.
A truck so awesome, only the President
Of the United States of America’s allowed
To careen in it, to his own beat.
A dictionary with positive adjectives only.
A dictionary with no wet verbs.
A dictionary with negotiable definitions.
A dictionary that defines words by their antonyms.
All the greatest hits from the last millennium
Performed live, on stage, on the inside
Of your state of the art, acoustically-enhanced skull.
A complete set of nude photos
Of you, taken by you and sold
Back to you—at a discount.
A sex doll with a mirror for a face.
A sex doll with a Ph.D.
A sex doll with adjustable skin tone.
A sensitive sex doll that just wants
To be friends—a Platonic sex doll.
Rain water in a bottle, sunshine in a box
And ambience sounds from a bus stop
Down the street, recorded on a CD.
A 24-hour video of what you did yesterday.
A 24-hour video of what you’ll do tomorrow.
A super realistic photo of what’s outside
Your window, pasted to your window.
A baseball game that never ends,
To be played simultaneously with
A football game that never ends.
Cluster bombs that scatter copies of Leaves of Grass
Over a thousand mile radius, for a thousand years.
Landmines made with dough,
Topped with mozzarella and all
Your favorite toppings.
An airplane that never lands.
And, finally, your favorite fairy tale
Painted on your new plastic limbs.