Lines from a Plutocratic Poetaster to a Ditch-digger

By Franklin Pierce Adams 1881–1960 Franklin Pierce Adams

Sullen, grimy, labouring person,

As I passed you in my car,

I could sense your muffled curse on

It and me and my cigar;

And though mute your malediction,

I could feel it on my head,

As in countless works of fiction

I have read.

Envy of mine obvious leisure

Seemed to green your glittering eye;

Hate for mine apparent pleasure

Filled you as I motored by.

You who had to dig for three, four

Hours in that unpleasant ditch,

Loathed, despised, and hated me for

Being rich.

And you cursed me into Hades

As you envied me that ride

With the loveliest of ladies

Sitting at my dexter side;

And your wish, or your idea,

Was to hurl us off some cliff.

I could see that you thought me a

Lucky stiff.

If you came to the decision,

As my car you mutely cussed,

That allottment and division

Are indecently unjust—

Labouring man, however came you

Thus to think the world awry,

I should be the last to blame you …

So do I.

Biography

Franklin P. Adams, or F. P. A. as he was known to his readers, was best known for his witty and satirical column "The Conning Tower," which was syndicated in the New York Tribune, the New York World, the New York Herald Tribune and the New York Post. In his column, to which he had a cult-like following, Adams wrote limericks, puns, and satirical prose to dissect political events, review books and plays, and parody the age. A . . .

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