The expat life

Ange Mlinko and Marin Earl's posts on the experience of the expat poet resonate somewhat for me. I do remember a little "saudade," yes, more upon leaving the west coast, than my country, but yes, a bit of being "kicked out" of paradise. Not really, because I'm the one who left, but the heart is rarely rational. Overall though, my experience seems to differ slightly. Perhaps because there is no getting "away" from America, but leave Canada and one can effectively "leave Canada."

And as much as I love my country, and am glad to be back in it, my sense of being away was generally a kind of intensely liberating feeling that sent me zinging in a million directions. The possibilities. A clean slate. Being a poet outside of my country allowed me to concentrate on poetry, not the noise of it. Not prizes, not the small-minded reviews, not the accomplishments, not the who is talking about whom, not the whole, who is the hot new thing, not the annoying buzz that some poets seem to know how to stir up about their upcoming releases. No, being a poet outside of my own country gave me license to enjoy. 

Of course there is the part about not really being a part of the new community...but after seven years I did find community in America. Lots of it. And it was/is fabulous. I never really wanted to live in America, but loved, loved my time there. I can see how poets find "the New York-centrism" as Mlinko says, "deadening." In Canada that would be Toronto. And yes, it can be deadening. I also agree "that Modernism could not have happened without expat perspectives" and like to remind people that generally the more avant-garde a poet is the more likely it is that they have an international sensibility.

The latter I discovered while in New York. I began to talk about Canadian poets, read them before my own work at readings, lend people books. My sense of poetry in New York was not about schools. To learn the scene I didn't ask anyone where to start I simply started walking. I found my way to several reading series. Met all kinds of poets--lyric poets, formalists, performance poets, experimental poets, you name it, I attended their readings. From the upper east side down to Soho I walked and listened.

It was a fantastic education.

So yes, if you can, live outside of your own land. But not as though you're a tourist. Try it as though you can never go back.

I did come back to my country. In a way, my last book of poetry, Expressway, documents the reasons why.

And of course now I get to pine for you.