Moving Verse by Number. Faithfully render Sinewy, Paternal Hand or Soft-Focused, Maternal Breast. Choice of palette: Restrained, Vibrating or Bathetic.

Salad Mixer cum Post-Avant Poem Generator. Toss vegs and non-sequiturs simultaneously. Sample sequence: Alfalfa sprouts--Hit and run misquotation--Sundried, diced tomato--Really dumb snippet, googled--Blue cheese chunks--Confession--Peas--Nonsense string--Egg. Guaranteed no syllogism.

Syntax Laxative. Purge all normative constructions from your long oppressed plumbing. Be semantic-free and escape Imperialism. Today!

Eco-Friendly, Ultra Literate, Non-Discriminating Toilet, with random poem bombastically or whiningly intoned during each enthronement. (No refund if flushed early.) Choose Norton or Poems for the Millenium (vol 1). Age 3 and up.

Metrical Pacemaker turns your body into a living poem! Simple dial sets your blood pumping in iambic, trochaic, anapestic or dactylic meter. For advanced users, mix and match.

Originally Published: April 18th, 2010

Linh Dinh was born in Saigon, Vietnam in 1963, came to the U.S. in 1975, and has also lived in Italy and England. He is the author of two collections of stories, Fake House (Seven Stories Press 2000) and Blood and Soap (Seven Stories Press 2004), and the novel Love...