Ways of Rebelling

Who needs to be at peace in the world? It helps to be between wars, to die
a  few  times  each day to understand your father's sky, as you take it apart
piece  by  piece  and can't feel  anything,  can't  feel the tree growing under
your feet, the eyes poking night only to find another night to compare it to.
Whoever   heard   of   turning   pain   into   hummingbirds   or   red  birds—
haven't  we  grown?  What  does  it mean to be older?  Maybe a house with-
out  doors  can  still  survive  a  storm. Maybe I can't find the proper way to
rebel  or  damn it,  I can't  leave.  I want to,  but you grow inside of me. And
as  I  watch   you,  before  I  know  it,  I'm  too  heavy,  too full  of  you  to  move.
Maybe  that's what they meant when they said you shouldn't love a country
too much.
Nathalie Handal, "Ways of Rebelling" from The Republics. Copyright © 2015 by Nathalie Handal.  Reprinted by permission of University of Pittsburgh Press.
Source: The Republics (University of Pittsburgh Press, 2015)
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