What to Do If You Find a Dead Hobbit in Your Garden
• Access Hobbit Rescue (HR) on the Hobbit Rescue app (type in Hobbit Rescue). Type your address in the required box. Wait for assistance to arrive.
• Do not touch the Hobbit. Warner Bros. can recycle most parts of a Hobbit. Interference with any part of a dead Hobbit is a crime. Remember: you will be liable!
• Do not Facebook your Friends. Some of your Friends may not be Friends. Australian Unionists are known Trollers. Be vigilant. Unionists have no part in our film industry.
• When Hobbit Rescue arrives they will ask you questions. You are required to answer. Hobbits are an integral platform in our national economy. Withholding information from a private company in pursuit of its legitimate profit can be deemed a treasonable act.
• Remember Hobbits are our friends. They were born here. This is their home. They represent our way of life. Do you want to lose that way of life?