Due to Popular Demand, I Am Coming Out

Call me rug-muncher, bush-bumper,

gash-guzzler & gal-pal. Call me

pussy-pirate & turf-taster, scissor-sister

& shrub-scout, lickalotapus

& an antisemenist headed for Brokeback

Valley. Call me twat-tiddler, cat-licker,

trout-sniffer, vagitarian, Ellen

Degenerate, cooch-comrade, clam-

jammer & fur-trader, fuzz-bumper

& not welcome in the red states. Call me

& ask how I am in French. Lès bien.

Call me dykedelic & dykotic,

suppresbian & succesbian. Say

I have my lick-her license, a nut allergy,

a degree in lesbiology. Call me

& ask if I speak Straponese. Call me

oyster-diver, Teva-wearer, bean-flicker

& donut-digger, taco-eater & coochie-

cruncher. Call me bush-lover,

a celesbian, your dykon, a U-Hauler,

your next-door gaybor, a nail-clipper,

a cunt-hopper & crotch-cannibal. Call me

before my poetry reading to wish me luck.

Call me mound-pounder, cocktose

intolerant, a clit-queen, a good fuck.