Sheep to Sweater

Considering the frequency
with which I take people’s words
out of context, lie through my teeth and smear
anyone who doesn’t hew to my philosophy
of division and contempt,
I’d prefer my candidate of choice to stay
on the high road, but there’s a certain element
of fighting fire with dilemmas,
not just for me, but for any candidate.

Is it more important to lose honorably,
or to get into the gutter with your own particularity
when so much is the answer?
I love the pumpkin idea.
I will definitely use that and I also plan
on making the “kielbasa launcher.”
I already have a guacamole rifle
and it’s the same thing, I just need
to figure out how to do it.
If you have ideas for that please help.

Also on the splitting heads thing they
have that hydraulic wrench that
rips the brain chunks out of the
head you can do that so much
easier just get the fishing line attached
to the fragments and then fill
a two to three liter soda bottle
with sand and throw it in the opposite
direction your life is going.

To see the results of this oscillatory combustion
phenomenon between the acoustics of the
cavity and the pyrolysis of the propellants
which were used in irreproducible ignition
which I never liked much anyway.

I couldn’t decipher myself.
Too bad. I have typed out some abbreviated remains
where my old life used to be, but I’m still
living in them as if they were a book.
I spent the afternoon reveling
and wondering what
I need to do to get my own sheep.
I saw sheep herding and shearing,
admired the baby lambs, and followed
the “from sheep to sweater” interpretive trail.

More Poems by Drew Gardner